theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
Randomize
