now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Randomize
