My liver just broke up with me...
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
