remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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