Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Randomize
