yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
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