Even water is tasting like jack daniels
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
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