Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
