youre lurking in front of me
well you can't waste a boner
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
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