Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Randomize
