He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Randomize
