Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
20 People Confess What It’s Really Like To Live Under Sharia Law
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
21 Texts That Prove All the Magic Happens in Parking Lots
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.