your parents love me but you hate me
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
The Internet Is Obsessed With This Stripper Who Dropped It Low Just To Eat A Slice Of Pizza
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
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