Sry I called you an 8
lets start a swedish sibling band together
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!