I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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