He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
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