scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
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