Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
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