Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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