Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
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These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
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