Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Randomize
