Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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