She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
