Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
