how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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