Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Randomize
