I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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