when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
