I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
