just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
