Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
