planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
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Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
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I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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