I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
