ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
