You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
You are the jesus of drinking
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
