It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Randomize
