We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
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