Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
