My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
