I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
your room smells of hookers.
And success
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
