I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Randomize
