I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
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