Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
