Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Randomize