I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
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