Jerry, you need to find god
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
