Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
