I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
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