I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize