I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
