So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
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