I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
third nipple confirmed
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Randomize
