remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
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