She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
