I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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