I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Randomize
