he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
where are my pants?
in the oven.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
