Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
