I looked at my own cervix.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Randomize
