I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
