So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
