i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
