their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
