and you said cock pushups were impossible
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
