I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Randomize
