i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Randomize
